Time flies

I just realised that I've had this blog for over a year. When I started it, I was on holiday in Key West and didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to get on a plane to St Kitts and get a job on the set of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. Life didn't quite work out like that, but it's all still good.

A year.

Time is relative - Einstein was right. It goes faster as you get older.

sublime to the mundane and back again

Thought 1:

Exercise is excruciatingly boring. This is not a new thought, but one that's crammed my cranium recently so I'm airing it out. I use a cross-country machine called a Nordic-Track. It's pretty old. Maybe a decade or so. It still gives a good workout, so that's a plus. But I'm not actually cross-country skiing. In fact, I'm in a shed, surrounded by garden impliments, a host of empty boxes and the skeletons of old furniture from a life on another continent. It's here that my imagination runs wild, and if it's a good day I'll get ideas for the book. If it's a bad day I use it to batter out any poison head that may be kicking about. In a funny way, it's much harder than sitting down and writing as instead of seeing the words appear on the screen, I'm just staring out the door of the shed. Sometimes I picture what I'll look like after another month on the machine. It's pretty close to what I see in the mirror at the moment. In any case, the work-out seems to be as much mental, shutting out the monotony of what I'm doing, as it is physical. Would love to have a tv to watch. But not actual television. DVDs of the Simpsons. I think that would make exercise bearable.

Thought 2:

Electronic crack. I've had a problem for the last week or so. I've been playing a game every free second I have, maniacally. Civilization III. This morning I've taken the first step in going cold turkey. I deleted it from my hard drive. I wanted to hurl the CD into the Thames in an effort to permanently expunge it from my life, but that would littering. So I resisted the temptation and it's adrift amid the flotsam of my desk. A terrible fate, I assure you.

Thought 3:

My drivers license arrived yesterday. With my picture and signature on it and everything. I've been looking at it a lot. Not in a self-obsessed way - or at least not in any more of a self-obsessed way than normal. And I'm sure if I'd passed my test when I was 17 it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But at 29 I'd kind of resigned my self, in part, to the life of a pedestrian. So there's a bit of lingering disbelief about the whole thing. So I suppose the license is there to get rid of that disbelief. And I'm so unbelievably chuffed that I have to keep looking at it.

Thought 4:

I didn't win 100 million £s in the lottery last night. Ah well.

Thought 5:

Carly Simon's Nobody Does it Better, from The Spy Who Loved Me, is the best Bond song ever. I made this discovery recently and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced. If Bond is the man that every man wants to be, then this is the song that every man wants sung to him or about him. It's kind of genius. And ironic. And everything really.

Thought 6:

I finally have my nano back. Well, actually, it's a brand new shiny nano, which is nice. You see, the first one they sent me was caput as well. And so I sent that one back and now I have a new shiny one. I going to try to keep this one shiny. So I'm using a felt case I nicked from a mate (well, he left it at my house and hasn't asked for it back).

Thought 7:

Time to exercise.

Thought addendums:

Bought the new translation of Don Quixote. It just seems like something I should read.

Does a litre of Innocent smoothie really count as my 5 fruits for the day? I know it says it does, but they would say that. Just cuz their name is Innocent doesn't mean they are innocent.

I need more natural light when I wake up. The Belfry bedroom is dark. Very dark. And still all those creepy noises from the surrounding trees.

Don't eat more than 1/2 of a large Firezza pizza. Just one more slice will put you over the edge. I know of what I speak.

Watch My Name is Earl. It's funny. Big giggles.

Don't watch the news more than twice a day.

Unless something earth-shatteringly terrible has happened.

More party pics

Malia tries to tame the savage shirt.

Malia & Christina decide that dancing is for tables. Mind the chandelier, girls.

Pete W, Ben McC & Kirsty D with big fun drunken grins.

From Norway with Love, the inimitable Jon E - grimace aside, a legend for not only making the trip, but enduring a 6am departure the following morning from Prestwick. For those who know not what that means, imagine having to taxi, train & bus for 4 hours to get a 1 hour flight. Sucks huh? Oh yeah.

From Nigeria with Love. Imelda (right) and Neneh (left) are a mother and daughter team who easily liven any party at which they arrive. It was not the first time they brightened up the West Port, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

magnums and velvet

I returned from St Andrews today to an actual letter. Letters are brilliant. Handwritten and everything. So that was cool. All the other post was from banks, and that's never cool.

St Andrews was amazing. Andy's leaving do was very much a Luvians' Greatest Hits, with most of the great customers, friends and staff from the last ten years making an appearance. Many of whom by surprise. People came from as far as Germany for the event. Though, that said, Sunday nights in Germany probably aren't worth sticking around for. Sunday nights most places aren't worth sticking around for. So, you know, if you have the chance, go to a big party in St Andrews. Magnums of champagne flowed and then some was mixed with Guinness and so the black velvets were flowing. Now, I'd never really had black velvet before. It works quickly. The drifted into dancing and laughing and kissing and hugging and eating and drinking more. I went to two flat parties and found my bed at 4am. Here are some pics that show the event.

The party man himself, Capt. Cook, with the lovely Malia and Kat. That shirt was louder than the tunes that night, I assure you

Yours truly with the fabulous Christina - in fabulous and happily married form and looking gorgeous. She was somewhat less jovial the next day.

The lovely Veronica, who has a wonderful smile. Someday, Luvians could all be hers, but without myself and Andy there, why would she want it?

Ben and Malia towards the end of the night. Malia was just making sure that every single last drop of Taittinger was really gone.

Myself and the fantastic Helen, flatmate of the lovely Veronica and a new addition to this party crew. Not an easy crowd to fall into but she handled herself brilliantly. A firecracker from Armagh. We're both drinking TVRs in this picture. That's TVR spelt S-T-U-P-I-D.

Tim Butler, one of Scotland's foremost restauranteurs. Seriously. You wouldn't think it, would you? Me neither. Food's pretty good though.

Big Mac & Kirsty D. I've drunk so many cocktails in the company of these two, prepared by the former, it staggers the mind. And erases it over time.

The Belfry of Ideas

I face the day quite excited. I'm doing something different. You see, the other day I had a new idea. Well, when I say new, it was more of a new take on an old idea. But that's what most new ideas seem to be these days, so I'm still pretty happy with a new take. It's better than same old shit, at least.

So as I was thinking about this new idea and trying to sqeeze it in with all of my other ideas it occurred to me that I didn't really have a repository for all the ideas that I have shifting about. Aside from my brain. Which, if you know me, is so crammed full of useless trivia and detailed memories of unimportant events that it's easy to lose my place. Especially with ideas.

So today is my big idea day. I'm going to be getting everything onto paper and into a folder and any time the writing starts going slow I'll whip out one of the ideas to work on instead. In fact, I don't even need paper or folders as apparently you can get all of this done on computers these days. Ain't technology something?!

So today I will be doing rough outlines of:

1 movie

2 stage plays

1 screenplay

5 novels (not including current project)

2 tv shows (1 travelogue, 1 sitcom)

1 cook book

And as usual, new ideas beget other new ideas. So there's fun to be had. A welcome break from prose.

PS - Yes, this is a task I should have done a long time ago. I am one of the billions of people in the human race who tends to put things off for too long. Deal with it.

PPS - Buy Steven Fry's The Ode Less Travelled.

Be careful what you wish for

It rained today. And yet it didn't impress me.

A probe bringing back comet dust, that impressed me. A lot, in fact.

Worked a lot today. Some was great (the writing stuff). Some was rubbish (the work stuff).

I have "a lunch" tomorrow.

I got an email from the pretty single girl I was writing about a couple of posts ago. The one that asked for my email. You know the one? Yeah, that one. Haven't written her back yet. Will do.

New toys

So, I passed my test. After 29 years of life as a pedestrian, I can now drive a car.

Aside from a brief time in my pre-teen years where cool cars were essential and copies of Road & Track magazine were littered throughout my room, often with the Matchbox or Hot Wheels twin (or, as I got more sophisticated and expensive in my tastes, Burago) of the featured super car on the cover on the floor somewhere guarenteed to find the foot of an unsuspecting adult, I've never really been into cars.

So now I'm thinking about what car to buy. A friend has a Renault Clio for sale, pretty good nick. Sadly it doesn't come with Nicole from the adverts. Though to be fair, he said he wouldn't be selling it to me if it did. It's pretty expensive. But I'm not sure I want a car named a Clio. Is that a bad reason not to buy a car? The good reason not to buy a car is that I can't afford it, but that's beside the point. I have a license, and sort of feel a car should have come with it as well. I think that's the American in me.

Maybe a Golf, or a Polo. I like Volkswagens. They're expensive though. And kind of clichéd. It just needs to be able to make the London-Fife run without any hassle. Is that too much to ask? Maybe some nice speakers as well - you know, to take advantage of iTrip. And, well, fast enough to overtake grannies on the motorway. And not an ugly colour. Or, if it is an ugly colour, an outrageously ugly colour. Don't want to do things by half. Electric pink with purple go-faster stripes. Might as well get a car called a Clio with that sort of paintjob.

It's all kind of moot at the moment. New toys to be had but no money to buy them with.

Shades of grey

The weather is dull. Apparently, this is the grey-est January since records began. It doesn't surprise me. I'm convinced that the day I took those pics in St Andrews was the last day of proper sunshine in 2006. It's not even raining. Most would count that as a blessing, but I want something meteorlogical to happen. Anything really. Sun, rain, hail, snow (if only to watch the terror in the eyes of the newscasters and weathermen/women as the snowpocalypse arrives). Even sleet would be enough of a shift to bring a smile to my face. But it seems that January lethargy extends to the weather and I am regretting my decision not to go to Key West.

It's been a good weekend. Thursday night, heady in the rush of driving triumph, I went up to ultra-trendy Camden to see my mate perform at a club called Underworld. Rubbish clubname aside, it was a brilliant gig. She signed autographs afterwards. That was weird to watch. I drank too much Guinness.

Friday's excitement was a rare venture into the wilds of Fulham. We discovered an awesome Italian restaurant that kept it simple and gave us great food at reasonable (especially for the area) prices. The wine was yummy too. After filling ourselves to the point where we had to reassess our commitment to beer as our drink for the rest of the evening, we trekked towards the Salisbury Tavern on Dawes Road. I've had the odd drink here over the last ten years and it's a decent boozer. Bumped into an old mate from St Andrews who was celebrating her 11th anniversary with her now husband. Weird. Most of the clientelle were at the apex of Sloane-dom, with glass-cutting posh accents and enough Prada and Gucci to make a St Andrews Yah blush. In fact, the scene at the bar was spookily like St Andrews. So much so that I had to drink beer and whisky to distract myself. It kind of worked. As did the mission of the night, which was to get the birthday boy drunk. Fun night. And the cab home was only a tenner. Bonus.

Yesterday I met a really lovely, nice, pretty, single girl. There was all sorts of rugby and a lunch and the team I support lost and there was curry for dinner and loads of other stuff from yesterday. But the important thing was meeting someone nice. Not that I think there's a future in it (but there may be), but it was just cool to meet someone new in London who is single. This isn't coming out right. She asked for my email address though. Which is nice.

Today someone came to look at the house. She really liked it but wouldn't be looking to buy until May. Her brother or brother-in-law (couldn't remember which) is Seamus Heaney, Nobel Laureate. She was nice. But I don't want to sell the house to anyone, even someone who's sibling(-in-law?) is one of the world's greatest living poets.

I'm listening to The Doves; The Last Broadcast. Good album.

I'll write for the rest of the day. Then I'll watch a DVD. Hopefully something to make me laugh and set somewhere there's sun. Just to remind me what it looks like.

A view of the Belfry

I thought I'd let you in on what the Belfry looks like. It's a bit messy at the moment, and so I thought showing it would - well, I don't know really. Perhaps inspire me to tidy it. Which was a mission for this evening, though as with most missions that include tidying, I'm finding other things to do. And during the tidying, I will find other things to do. Bits and pieces that stop me in my tracks and require a moment or two to reminisce.

This is the wall of my bedroom in the Belfry. There aren't any other pictures of the bedroom as that's a bit more public than I'm willing to be. But this pennant is now 20 years old and has some considerable sentimental value so it gets a picture.

My office. This is where I write. It's in the guest room at the top of the spiral staircase. The poster in the top right was a student movie I was in way back in '01. It's pretty messy in that picture. It's not much better now, to be honest. In fact, it's worse. Hence my need to tidy.

The Belfry guestroom/office. I took this from the top of the spiral staircase. I've hit my head so many times on that supporting beam it beggars belief. I think I knocked myself out once, but it could have just been a terrible hangover.

The guestroom again, taken from my desk, from a different angle and with my Red Sox hat slightly blurred in the forground. Thrilling eh? I best start tidying.

2 things that make me feel old.

This new year a couple of things cropped up to remind me that, age wise, I'm getting older. And it was nothing to do with me. It was other people. See, apparently they get older too. Allegedly at the same rate though I'm sure that it's all relative.

That's Gillon. Fine young lad of 21. I've known him since he was a baby. People that I've known since they were babies aren't permitted to grow up, much less be into their early twenties. Bloody shambles.

Now for the next pic:
Next up is this beautiful baby. You may recognise him from the previous baby photo. His name's Oliver Gilmour, and his mum is Tina. She used to kick me into the fireplace when I was 5. Tina's been like a big sister to me my entire life. And she has been a hardcore drinking buddy for about half my life. And now she's a mum. And as she's Scottish but living in the States, she's petrified her son is going to wind up calling her "mom" instead of "mum". And all that's beside the point because it just makes me feel older than 29 that every one of my old friends and some of my siblings and just about the whole world are married and having kids and mortgages and I don't even have a girlfriend.

So there. That's me. Old and petulant because one old friend has grown into a nice person and another has had a beautiful baby. :-P

Some more New Years pics

Just a few more shots that I took during and after the revelry.

The ever-luminous Sophie DeLaCour.

Still-kilted Ali consumes restorative caffeine while the wonderful Karen Smart, complete with groovy pink pj's, undoes some of the damage.
My nephews with the new-to-the-world Oliver Gilmour Blaise. I was impressed at how well the boys got on with the baby.

Another snow pic. I like the old rail bridge in the background. To get to the house from the village you have drive under it.

yoyo

Up and down again. Yesterday I took a train to Edinburgh and this morning I took one back. Some strange things happened in the meantime. I attended a 30th birthday party. I had a late lunch in Harvey Nichols. The chocolate sauce had seperated on my dessert - rookie error but it was still yummy so I held my tongue. I drank too much port after the party. Some people said silly things at silly times in silly company but all was good.

You'll all be relieved that I forgot my camera and as such have not any pics from the party. To make up for it I think I'll post some more New Year pics.

On a note so far removed from any of the other notes, has anyone noticed how often I use "..." in my post titles? It's ridiculous. It ends immediately. Such lazy use of punctuation is simply not acceptable on this blog, and I apologise to all 6 or 7 of you out there that read my nonsense. It shan't happen again.

"Shan't" is a cool abbreviation.

I'm tired.

Millions

Millions is a film from the director of Trainspotting, Shallow Grave and 28 Days Later. It's meant to be a kids' film but is so much greater than that. It doesn't chuck some random jokes in to keep the adults from getting bored, it just tells an amazing story. It was wonderful. Watch it. Possibly more than once. It's brilliant, life affirming and just perfectly done.

And special thanks to my cultural advisor for the recommendation.

Auld lang syne... and resolutions.

New Year festivities started with a drive from hell. I alluded to it in an earlier post regarding my father and my aunt's dubious driving abilities. In any case, it made everyone grumpy. Which shows that while with certain sacrifices and patience, one can, for a limited time, live with one's parent's again. But don't get into a car for 9 hours with them.

Anyway, we got up to the party house, just outside of Linlithgow, and got settled in. There were a lot of kids kicking about. And this was good because it had started snowing (ah yes... those amusing blizzards). And kids + snow. Well, even adults + snow. I firmly believe that reaction to snow is an excellent measure on how old someone really is; if they're 80 and still love snow, then they're really only in their early teens.

Any way it snowed but not very much and not for very long. I did get a couple of cool pics though, and this is one of them:It was all gone by the following morning due to Britain's all time number one form of precipitation, rain. Ah well, it was pretty while it lasted.

The night of the 30th boasted a big meal that I decided to flex my culinary muscles with. It was pretty simple really - couple of legs of roast lamb and tatties with some green things. I didn't do the green things. Not that I'm one of these "veggies are for big wusses" people, I'm not. I like veggies. I like green veggies. Even broccoli and sprouts. And peas and cabbage. Well... sprouts kind of are cabbage really. So, yeah - I like greens. I'm just rubbish at cooking them. So if I'm in a position to delegate that particular aspect of a meal, then I will. And I did. And the greens were yummy. There was even baby corn. Which is not green but is certainly yummy.

I didn't prep the starter either. It was yummy too though, and consisted of prawns in a yummy sauce wrapped in smoke salmon. There may have been avocado. I knew I shouldn't have waited this long to write everything up.Dinner was followed by cheese, port (mmmm... port) and whisky. Probably too much whisky. Gilmour, our host, has an impressive collection and seemed intent on pouring as much of it down our throats as humanly possible. There were some gems. I feasted upon Ardbeg 17 and Talisker 18. One of the guests attempted to drink all of the Rosebank, much to the chagrin of his wife. I slept on the couch in the lounge. It was comfy.

In the morning on New Years Eve my sis and brother-in-law and crazy-Irish-thug-nephews arrived. Fortunately, being in the country, there was a great deal for them to do. In particular play in the quickly melting snow, play in the mud, and pretty much anything else that would get them very, very dirty. In fact, one of the cleanest things they did was drive the tractor. Yes, my 5-year-old nephew in charge of farm machinery. Be afraid...And yes, he is actually driving it.

The party sometimes creeps up on you. You're just kind of sitting there, next to the fire, having a beer, occasionally putting some food out. Everything's chilled. There're some nice tunes playing. The kids are watching Ice Age. You're chatting. A couple of more people arrive that you haven't seen in ages. Go back to your seat by the fire. And then there are almost 50 people kicking about, there's an accordion player belting out reels, the kids are dancing with the adults, you can't remember whose drink it is you're getting and you're realising, the more you catch up with everyone, how unbelievably brilliant all your friends and family are. Even the family who are grumpy. And so everyone's dancing and only a small percentage know what they're doing but it's ok because they're trying to teach everyone as they go and there's laughter and spilt drinks and mummies and daddies lifting daughters and sons to join in with the grown-ups. And some of the kids are sitting on the rolled up carpet in the corner laughing at all the old people dancing like they were kids but really loving it because it's not embarrassing when everyone's parents are doing it. And so before you know it, the dancing's finished and it's 5 to midnight and you're getting the champagne out of the freezer and filling up the glasses for the bells and everyone's rushing outside to join the smokers ('cause they're outside already) and it's not as cold as you thought and is that because of the booze or all the snow melting or what? And you leave the exposure to do funny things on your camera because it looks cool. And then you're all screaming the countdown and hugging and wishing happy new years to everyone and meaning it.
And wouldn't your liver thank you if that was it? Wouldn't it be so nice if after the bells you went to bed? Maybe, but hardly the best way to spend the first few hours of 2006, really, is it? No. You spend the first few hours partying with your mates. And if you're lucky, you get your seat back by the fire. Which I did. A quiet moment's reflection - a few resolutions and then a mission to discover what all the noise was on the dance floor.

It was kids. Partying past the bells with fervour. Hugely impressive. We nicknamed the twins in pajamas Thing One and Thing Two after the Dr Seuss characters. Heh.Kids that can party that late and behave well and still have a brilliant time give me hope for the future. No one whined about the lack of X-Box, no one moaned about... well, anything really. They did try to nick all the smoked salmon, but that's more an example of a developed palate at a young age than anything else. God help us when they want to start drinking.

I didn't stay up all night to cook breakfast. I don't have to do that anymore (not that I ever had to, I just felt I had to). I went to bed at 530 and that was fine. Beer, champagne and whisky isn't too much of a hangover recipe, even if the first two were devoured in pints.

It marked 4 years since I quit smoking.

Bill Mooney went around trying to wake everyone up at 630, at which point my sister asked if he wanted her to go wake up his kids.

My resolution is to finish my book and to keep up the exercise and balanced eating. Achievable goals. I hope.

up but slow

My father should not be allowed to drive. It's quite frightening. So's my mad aunt's driving. When she talks, she veers.

I'm up. And sort of in one piece. My knuckles are still white.

Finished the Bryson book - brilliant. Read it. Honest.

Dial-up connection veeerrrryyyyyy sssllllloooooooowwwww...

ciao