I need one of those travel tubes for my toothbrush. You know, so you don't get any detritus from the inside of your shaving kit on the bristles because, let's face it, that's kind of gross. I don't know where I lost the last one, but it's gone and my flight leaves Sunday. I don't even know where I got the last one. Probably Boots. But fuck those guys, they don't pay their taxes.

My flight leaves Sunday and I also need contact lenses and there is absolutely no guarantee that they're going to get here on time. One place said they'd get here, but then emailed to say the astigmatism lenses were out of stock and so I ordered some that don't have that correction and they say they'll be here but I'm not betting on it.

I think I know where my passports are. I haven't double checked.

There was a fat wad of dollars in the drawer to the right of my desk. I took them out and counted them and there more singles than I remembered. A massive $16. That might cover a beer during my layover in Atlanta.

My layover is in Atlanta.

My email dinged and my contacts are arriving before I leave. All of them. The ones I ordered and the ones I ordered because I didn't think the ones I ordered were going to be here in time.

Passports, toothbrush thingy, contact lenses, currency, plug adaptors, etc and my mother sends an email asking for Cornish sea salt and so I add Cornish sea salt to the list wondering what the fuck is wrong with the Maldon that she has kilos of.

Dad prefers the Cornish stuff.

If I stop and think about that too hard I'll get lost and never found so I just shrug and add it to the list along with some stuff for the house and shit I better change the cat's box before I leave.

I keep thinking I'm leaving tomorrow but it's Sunday.

Buy my book, please.